visiting alma mater.

can’t recall the last time i flew, tbh. half of the year seems to fast forward so fast it feels so short but a lot has happened and i am afraid i can’t keep up with the pace sometimes.

time to fly again tomorrow. and guess what; will be visiting the island of my alma mater. oh yes. you know that feeling; that somehow it feels you’re coming back to a place that you once called home? am feeling it now. it feels like im going back to a place so dear to me. though i spent only a year or so there, but it holds such a beautiful memories in my mind. and my heart.

i wish i could bring my parents back there again. just to see how the place grow in time and reminisce our memories.

oh. the good old memories.

but haven’t been in a good shape as of lately. still flu-ish a bit and i hope this state of body doesn’t get any severe for the next few days. or weeks.

in a very mixed feelings right now. excited about tomorrow. anxious and nervous at the same time. worried about the amount of task pending over here. the trip. the debts to be paid in due time. paperworks bla bla bla.

sometimes, i got tired just by thinking the amount of these world-ly tasks that i need to accomplish; living day by day.

lets take this surprise-trip as a little short getaway from all that. take your sweet time, dear self.

lets get back here in 2 days feeling fresh from the island!


Tuesday Tittle-Tattle.

was super super mega tired coming back from work yesterday. can’t seem to stop wonder why all the tiredness all of a sudden anyway.

all i know is that i was knock-off by 9 and waking up this morning only makes my body feels even heavier. and now feeling flu-ish and just praying that i wont catch fever any soon.

i was so energetic and feeling so fresh going to work yesterday, like seriously. part of it was because i managed to finish the translation of 80 pages script despite draining my laptop’s battery and working in less than 7 hours on it. and i managed to prepare all uniform for a week, life feels so easy then for nothing else to worry about on what to wear trust me that is a big deal. did all the necessary laundry early in the morning and we got to have delicious breakfast. marvelous! so i was happy.

until 5pm yesterday. i guess. i have to work on so many things, it feels ridiculous at times. running here and there, upstairs a few times; well perhaps that’s where all the tiredness come from. maybe.

my eyes are half-opened now. i guess so. they feel that way though. a little bit of coffee might give me some kick after this. right, caffeine-deficiency. well, it could be.

gotta go. my brain can’t stop telling there is so much work to be done.

until then.

little crave for the world.

back form work. tired. lots of things in mind. dying for a rest.

then, the sudden blackout.

dragged the unwilling body and showered in the dark. quiet. sleepy. put the face mask on. doze off.

awaken by the light. it’s 10pm.

scrolling Twitter. only to find so many things to be wanted. to be owned. must have.

but so little money. yadayadayada.

why do we woke up sometimes only to find ourselves in so deep crave for worldly things i wonder.

i want to renovate the house. i want it to be a better home for my parents. i want to give them the comfort after raising me up so well. so i want to get this done. that done. i even have the lists of how or what the things should look like and i wanna get my hands on them really bad. i want to buy that buy this get that done to the house. so on and so forth.

but at the same time; if i pour so much effort here; when will i be enough to get my own crib? what kind of crave is that?

i wanna go on trips with le husband. after what happened recently Cupid seems to strike its love on us again so we’re both a bit off our feet of each other and somehow the world calls us to go round and everywhere. we didnt planned anything to be honest; the plans just came unannounced. Aussie (am so going! i can’t believe my dream is almost in my hand!), the MotoGP trip, Japan. oh. how i wish i can grow money on trees. lots of trees.

i wanna do some self-improvement to myself (of course, hello the words are obvious aren’t they?). wanna learn new skills, wanna grab new knowledge, enhance my known stuff, broaden my horizon blablabla. i wanna be better. but it requires time. and time is not really favoring me recently. i was running for so many things. the pace slowed down for like 2 weeks. and now i am running again. i couldn’t imagine of all the possible things that i’ve missed for running around like madness. and i was advised time and time again to slow down. for my own sake. i wish, i will.

i wanna try some crazy little ideas, sometimes. u know? you got tired of wanting and blocked by whatever it is that seems to block you from getting what you want; so wanna do something about it. sell my things without regret. do bundle sale. advertise pre-loved items. one goal; get some extra money to get the little things craved out of this world. when will i, BIG question.

i wish to have some days to just do my own things. not work, not family, not husband, not for anyone else. but me. apparently i found myself caught up with so many things in mind at times that i feel i just couldn’t hold them so much longer but i need my own time to just figure everything out. im the unspoken one. i have more words in my head than what is spoken (though sometimes i can be so chatty but trust me i am more vocal alone thanks to my brain). sometimes it feels selfish to just wanna do your own things but then; i’ve spent so many times doing things for others.

foolish crave of the world.

i need this Saturday, just one day. to straighten this mind. like seriously.

brand new day. brand new page.

hello work!

today as expected, work has to resume back to normal.

as i flip through my diary, there it goes. it’s 3rd of July and half of 2017 has gone. like seriously. it’s already the 2nd half of the year.

and i thought to myself. what an incredible journey it has been so far.

can’t wait to get my hands on writing on the 1st half journey. excited!

with this brand new day, comes the brand new page. and i am really thankful for being blessed all these while.

hoping to see more momentous miracle after this!

3rd Raya with lè Husband!


As the clock shows, it’s 22:31 now. 1 Syawal 1438H. 25 June 2017 Masihi.

Just finished every daily routine that should be done and here i am. Writing.

It’s Raya! Oh gosh why am I having this lapsed joy of festive hype 🤣

I mean, well, i was caught up with something for the past 2 months. Was quite out of the world mentally momentarily. And just few days back i think i might have regain whatever human feeling that i should be feeling. You get me? But then, there’s only like 3-4 days to Raya. I am like, what Ramadhan end so soon? 🤣🤣🤣

So, undoubtly I came a little bit unprepared for Raya this year 😂 No new baju Raya. None full tick of my pre-checklist for Raya. No cookies no cake no nothing. Come Syawal and here i am stepping my first foot into the celebration that all Muslims waited for. That i didnt prepared on so many levels tbh. Mentally. Physically. Oh. This is so not me. It’s like, I open a door and there i stand with a big jawdrop feasting my eyes on a panaromic scene i have never seen before. Okay, that’s a bit exaggerating.

Being a person who’s always with a plan (even a short plan at least!) it came down to me that I really gotta sort out the closet early next year insyaAllah!

I got piling kain to send to the tailors (which i haven’t know where to send actually!), plenty plans for Raya preparation that ended up switching with other plans and i am so so bad at finishing things up once i started it. It’s like when i have 10 items to do i will have 8 or 9 things done but the 10th will take forever to finish. Sigh.

It’s a year from now and Syawal is only a once in a year occasion!

Wow. And i came zero this year.

Goodness. My Ramadhan passed me by relentlessly. And my Syawal, well lets hope better days are coming since i am sobering up from that ‘mental illness’ of mine.

Enough ranting.

It’s my 3rd Raya with lè Husband, as i mentioned. I thought experience would at least remind me of what to do or what not to do. But as human as i am; i forgot that i sometimes am forgetful no matter how many checklist is there before my eyes.

Which is why i think my Ramadhan and Syawal has been quite funny somehow. Seriously odd and weird and funny somehow somewhere.

And for Allah sake i am turning into 3 series next year. Hopefully i’ll take all of these memories as sweet reminders of all the things that will appear in my life in the near future, with Allah’s willing of course.

Because it feels that after a while; i am happy. Truly blessed. And happy. Despite everything that has happened in the past few years, months, days.

I. Am. Happy. Trully blessed. Thank you Allah. Thank you. Of all the things you’ve shown me that I sometimes grew bitter of life; you show me again and again that Your plans are the best of all.

And i said this humbly from the bottom of my heart.

Lets continue making more memories for this Raya!😗

22:55 25 June 2017