3rd Raya with lè Husband!

Assalamualaikum!

As the clock shows, it’s 22:31 now. 1 Syawal 1438H. 25 June 2017 Masihi.

Just finished every daily routine that should be done and here i am. Writing.

It’s Raya! Oh gosh why am I having this lapsed joy of festive hype 🤣

I mean, well, i was caught up with something for the past 2 months. Was quite out of the world mentally momentarily. And just few days back i think i might have regain whatever human feeling that i should be feeling. You get me? But then, there’s only like 3-4 days to Raya. I am like, what Ramadhan end so soon? 🤣🤣🤣

So, undoubtly I came a little bit unprepared for Raya this year 😂 No new baju Raya. None full tick of my pre-checklist for Raya. No cookies no cake no nothing. Come Syawal and here i am stepping my first foot into the celebration that all Muslims waited for. That i didnt prepared on so many levels tbh. Mentally. Physically. Oh. This is so not me. It’s like, I open a door and there i stand with a big jawdrop feasting my eyes on a panaromic scene i have never seen before. Okay, that’s a bit exaggerating.

Being a person who’s always with a plan (even a short plan at least!) it came down to me that I really gotta sort out the closet early next year insyaAllah!

I got piling kain to send to the tailors (which i haven’t know where to send actually!), plenty plans for Raya preparation that ended up switching with other plans and i am so so bad at finishing things up once i started it. It’s like when i have 10 items to do i will have 8 or 9 things done but the 10th will take forever to finish. Sigh.

It’s a year from now and Syawal is only a once in a year occasion!

Wow. And i came zero this year.

Goodness. My Ramadhan passed me by relentlessly. And my Syawal, well lets hope better days are coming since i am sobering up from that ‘mental illness’ of mine.

Enough ranting.

It’s my 3rd Raya with lè Husband, as i mentioned. I thought experience would at least remind me of what to do or what not to do. But as human as i am; i forgot that i sometimes am forgetful no matter how many checklist is there before my eyes.

Which is why i think my Ramadhan and Syawal has been quite funny somehow. Seriously odd and weird and funny somehow somewhere.

And for Allah sake i am turning into 3 series next year. Hopefully i’ll take all of these memories as sweet reminders of all the things that will appear in my life in the near future, with Allah’s willing of course.

Because it feels that after a while; i am happy. Truly blessed. And happy. Despite everything that has happened in the past few years, months, days.

I. Am. Happy. Trully blessed. Thank you Allah. Thank you. Of all the things you’ve shown me that I sometimes grew bitter of life; you show me again and again that Your plans are the best of all.

And i said this humbly from the bottom of my heart.

Lets continue making more memories for this Raya!😗

22:55 25 June 2017

too many to remember.

been through a lot lately.

and i know i have so many things that i wish to write down. to remember. to reminisce. to remind me of what can or cannot be done; what to do or where to seek the solutions that i needed.

i got so many things in mind, to be honest.

and yet when i tried to pen them down; i hesitated. but all i want is for the words to be out of my brain.

i hope i won’t procrastinate any longer.

when you got all the time in the world.

well. here i am.

fighting to stay strong is not easy. but yes, here i am.

and now i got all the time in the world.

baruk jak pikir mk rilek lok then you got this “polah tok polah ya sikkan sik polah pa2 sikkan tangan kosong” bla3

like seriously. i just went through a rough week. i really want to slow down a bit these few days. can i at least be given that little time and space?

hello drama. yadayadayada.

i cant seem to tell who should be cranky and moody and mourning at the moment but hell no, i want to recover well; regardless the ‘challenges’ that i have to overcome.

so maybe i’ll set some plan before Raya next week. basically i got like 7 days starting tomorrow and i certainly have to creatively make the list of the month; therapeutic in a way, bombastic to cheer me for Raya and simple most importantly.

i’ll have to work on the list soon. and btw, wish me speedy recovery and good luck!

hisashiburi!

today.
Monday.
maybe i took quite a lavish weekend last 2 days. maybe i was too pampered with my cosy bed at home. maybe the excitement sitting in front of the TV still lingers.

to be honest, i am crawling to get my stuff done today.

knowing that i might be away starting this Wednesday; i knew that i need to settle whatever important pending task before i can take my leave in peace. like seriously.

but the mind is flying in some place i couldnt explain. lost in its own world.

at first, i feel like buying a new handphone. ya weird.

then i wanted something else.

then another. then another.

i just cant keep up listing everything in a long neverending list. that is absurd to be honest. a list should contain things that you want; but it should has a limit or something.

this. none. and i wanted to stop this cranky feeling of mine, fast.

because something happened to me recently. and with me still gathering my own strengths to overcome this feeling; hopefully once all of these done properly i can bring myself to say this out to everyone who ask; without breaking down.

for now, all i need is time.

so, long time no see. but i guess only time can tell when we’ll meet again.

ciao.

bila jumpa manusia penauk.

rasa ku nak tutup telinga jak bila kau bukak mulut.

hampeh.

mun berita benar; benarkan. jangan hangatkan. mun berita bulak; sik payah lah sebarkan. confirm sik confirm bukan masalah nya. benda sik official. ada paham kah?

ada berapa banyak angin ribut taufan khabar angin menyusahkan hati bertiup. perlukah kita nak nyambong mun gik belom tauk sahih nya?

atau memang jenis manusia mcm tok, nang suka jadi penauk no 1. kakya bersusei sebab sikda kerja lain.

gamaknya.

membencik bukan main. masalahnya. tapi segala cerita pasal orang kau ambik tauk. kau ada masalah apa juak sebenarnya. dah tauk klak nang menjaja cerita orang jak kerja.

wahai kawan, (aok, kawan lah), aib orang waima kau tauk, jaga rapat2. aib kau belum tentu gk kau dapat jaga mun dah mulut macam ya. beringat kita nong. what you give you get back kata orang tua. Allah ya Maha Adil. gne kau molah orang, sik nya kinek-kinek Allah balas, dudi hari? anak? keluarga? mak bapak? adik-beradik?

kita idup jangan suka gilak nak beranok -anok nong.

rasa ku kau ya nang dah dipesan berkali-kali. tapi ya ku heran, nang jenis manusia macam ya lah kali. sik jerak. sik berhenti dan sik puas kali mun sik dapat jadi penauk menjaja cerita urang. assalamualaikum nong, kain dirikmpun ya koyak juak jangan ktk sik perasan nong. sekali hau ngambor pasal orang ya, dirik mpun pun kisah ya lebih gk dikecam orang. cne nak letak muka nong oi. jangan ketegal bangga dengan penauk dirik tek alu semua dijaik alu hau sik ingat hau ya di cne.

kakya ambik hati konon-konon xda orang yang peduli. walhal, kau lah punca kau mpun jadi macam ya.

serious, payah ku berdepan dengan orang mcm tok.

penauk. penjaja. dalam masa yang sama hipokrit petala ke lapan.

mun jenis orang yg jaga hati ya lain nong; tauk kita beza nya. tok dah menjerumuskan org lain untuk membenci apa yg kau benci juak. padahal hau yang sik ngam dgn urang. yah. apa nama kawan macam ya.

mun baik dibait alu. ditatang bagei minyak yang penuh lam tapak tangan. mun bencik, hmmph, urang belikan hau kek harijadi berik hau hadiah pun hau anok belakang-belakang.

yah. gne gik orang nak berkawan dgn hau nong?

hau nang mok padah ajak “mun xmok kawan xpalah,kmk nang jaik lamak.” mun hau perasan xpa nong. tok klak keluar cerita lain mulut hau ya. org tok gitok. org to giya. smua hal jaik-jaik semua hau nok cerita dgn orang. apa salah nya positif dgn urang nong?

nang rasa ku aku perlu hati-hati lah dengan species mcm tok. bahaya. dengar ya, ba-ha-ya.