back form work. tired. lots of things in mind. dying for a rest.
then, the sudden blackout.
dragged the unwilling body and showered in the dark. quiet. sleepy. put the face mask on. doze off.
awaken by the light. it’s 10pm.
scrolling Twitter. only to find so many things to be wanted. to be owned. must have.
but so little money. yadayadayada.
why do we woke up sometimes only to find ourselves in so deep crave for worldly things i wonder.
i want to renovate the house. i want it to be a better home for my parents. i want to give them the comfort after raising me up so well. so i want to get this done. that done. i even have the lists of how or what the things should look like and i wanna get my hands on them really bad. i want to buy that buy this get that done to the house. so on and so forth.
but at the same time; if i pour so much effort here; when will i be enough to get my own crib? what kind of crave is that?
i wanna go on trips with le husband. after what happened recently Cupid seems to strike its love on us again so we’re both a bit off our feet of each other and somehow the world calls us to go round and everywhere. we didnt planned anything to be honest; the plans just came unannounced. Aussie (am so going! i can’t believe my dream is almost in my hand!), the MotoGP trip, Japan. oh. how i wish i can grow money on trees. lots of trees.
i wanna do some self-improvement to myself (of course, hello the words are obvious aren’t they?). wanna learn new skills, wanna grab new knowledge, enhance my known stuff, broaden my horizon blablabla. i wanna be better. but it requires time. and time is not really favoring me recently. i was running for so many things. the pace slowed down for like 2 weeks. and now i am running again. i couldn’t imagine of all the possible things that i’ve missed for running around like madness. and i was advised time and time again to slow down. for my own sake. i wish, i will.
i wanna try some crazy little ideas, sometimes. u know? you got tired of wanting and blocked by whatever it is that seems to block you from getting what you want; so wanna do something about it. sell my things without regret. do bundle sale. advertise pre-loved items. one goal; get some extra money to get the little things craved out of this world. when will i, BIG question.
i wish to have some days to just do my own things. not work, not family, not husband, not for anyone else. but me. apparently i found myself caught up with so many things in mind at times that i feel i just couldn’t hold them so much longer but i need my own time to just figure everything out. im the unspoken one. i have more words in my head than what is spoken (though sometimes i can be so chatty but trust me i am more vocal alone thanks to my brain). sometimes it feels selfish to just wanna do your own things but then; i’ve spent so many times doing things for others.
foolish crave of the world.
i need this Saturday, just one day. to straighten this mind. like seriously.