alhamdulillah. my last and final trip for the video thingy this year.
which makes me wanna ponder something throughout the experiences.
just to recall. ive been flying around like crazy starting end of July this year (if im not mistaken). Labuan. Kch. KL. Perth none the less. this month alone i’ve been to KL for the 3rd consecutive time in a row. even the waitresses at Dolly Dim Sum recognized my face for the being such a loyal ‘regular-3-week-customer” yeah. and jetlag sucks.
and this morning I will be flying back home. finally. will stop flying for a while before the final finale of flying this coming December. Penang! (oh i forgot there’s another trip next week, the much awaited holiday! yoohoo!)
so as usual the mind keeps rolling back and forth at all that has happened.
i was tired, that one for sure. being at home for only like 3-4 days maximum only to fly again the cycle keeps repeating and it feels just insane. so yeah i look forward to take some few days off later this week since my sister is around too thanks for the school holidays. when you’re away way too frequent the routine and daily work got disturbed pretty bad i tell ya. i have to return the advances, the claims, bla3. even my tax were not attended to timely so i have to pay for it. that, effing annoying but what to do. im guilty as charged for not being attentive to it. sakit kepala pun tak guna dah ke sana ke sini kejar macam-macam alih2 segedabak jatuh atas bahu. can’t complaint much though. dah memang kena buat siang-siang dah terduduk baru nak dongak kepala. bullshit ini semua.
i wanted to spend time with le family. when work take its toll man i can’t be forgiving myself enough for all the times that i missed not being around the family. the catch-up would be so long i bet.
i’ve been checking up upon myself too lately. apparently i stumble too, at times. when you tried blending in and you blend so well but it turns you’re someone to dig from and whatnot, now there’s like 2 things that i should look upon seriously. one, shut my mouth. i should be more careful on what to say and what not to say now on. i feel like there are days i wanted to just be quiet. just sit at my desk and be drown into my work like that’s the only thing to do. don’t bother other people for while. to filter my mind and my words and straining myself from making look like an idiot at the end of the day. that, is no. 1.
no.2 trust issue. since i have to speak cautiously now than ever; it boggles me. who to trust then? there’s so many political thingy going around. one could say so many things about the others (oh hell i might be included in the loop too gosh i feel bad) and yet can still stand there in front of you like there’s nothing. i mean, i’m so not good at lying this face tells truth transparently. so don’t tell me to tell something else. so yeah, im having some kind of that trust issues now. even someone close to you can’t be relied on. whatever you say is used against you. lets do the “i don’t care” attitude then. pigi dah. because to be honest, there’s no fun being so careful and fearful of your surrounding. what is this? me a refugee? fuck.
i might as well just be careful what to say what not to say and only say the appropriate things to appropriate people. if i think i should why should anyone else says no, right? if i did wrong, then it is my fault that i should carry. period.
crazy rambling. but that’s what has been on my mind lately.
all in all January to October 2017 has been quite a roller-coaster for me. naik gaji naik gred lah dapat APC with the opportunity to set my foot at a place of my dream; meeting people that i wouldn’t imagine that i can be acquaintance with; my little baby that i’ll meet someday in Syurga; enemy-turn-friends but hopefully no such thing as friend-turn-enemy; the war the battle the struggle. man, 2017 should be made into a movie.
i remember saying 2017 will be my year. and somehow slowly i can see how it is unraveling itself; insyaAllah fikir saja yang baik-baik mudahan yang baik-baik itu nanti akan datang kepada kita.
from the City that never sleeps.